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IT services marketing | May 23, 2017

Johannes Through the Looking Glass of IT Services Marketing

MSP MarketingA World of Horrors

When Johannes, IT services marketing leader, finally exited the vortex, it was into a strange netherworld.

First, all the computers in this mixed up place were organic. Walking past a building, Johannes realized the storefront windows were eyes when the structure blinked. The entrance was a mouth with a ribbed tongue that acted as a staircase leading into the building-creature’s brain. Curious, and gripping the hourglass tightly, Johannes entered. He was in a store called Best Bug. Tunics worn by the salespeople were of a strange living blue hide, and they recoiled at his slacks and a collared shirt.

A greeter said, “Uh… how may I help you, sir?”

“Uh… laptops?”

“Right this way,” And the man led him down corridors literally breathing. Soon he came to a row of miniature building-things with flat faces. When the man turned around, Johannes realized he had been holding his nose.

Organic Computers

The man picked up a fleshy computer with keys for teeth and a mouth that revealing eyes like some kind of insect. The tech tickled the thing and it gurgled to life, flapping useless appendages at the boxy corners like a turtle on its back. The technician began: “We call this the Cronenberg 5000. Here, give it a spin,” and he handed the “laptop” to Johannes, backing up quickly.

Johannes blinked at the “machine,” and said, “I’d have to be creative to source an IT services marketing campaign that would sell this thing,” and, before he could say anything else— horror of horrors— the Cronenberg 5000 gurgled at him. Holding the slimy, warm underside with one hand, Johannes pushed one of the key teeth, and suddenly the eyes showed a picture of Steve, hair still long, beard exceptional, eyes wild. “Steve!” Johannes yelled.

“I’m David!” replied the man.

“Of course you’re not, you’re Steve Jobs!”

“No, that was my soul reflection! I got split in two when you marooned me in the time spaceship!”

“But I just set you free!”

“No, you set Steve free! I’m still roaming the timescape!”

“How could you be, I’ve got the hourglass!”

“You mean this hourglass?” And David/Steve held up an hourglass. Johannes leaned in for a closer look, but the computer bug blinked again and it startled him into dropping it. Thankfully, the bug was attached to the main building-beast via umbilical. Flappy little appendages shot out, caught the umbilical, and the organic computer pulled itself back to its display stand. Johannes leaned over the “screen” where David/Steve still held the hourglass time machine, then pulled out his own: “But I have the time machine!”?


“Hmm!” David/Steve said, then “Well… tell me what kind of IT services marketing solutions we sell at MSP SEO Factory; that’s how I’ll know if you’re the right Johannes!”

“Okay… we offer:

• Direct interaction between clients and marketing professionals
• IT acumen in marketing creation and delivery
• Cutting-edge online marketing techniques

…and much more.”

“Yep, you’re you.”

“Of course! And… you seem like a David, now that I think about it, Steve.”

“I am David!”

“Well… stay where you are— where are you?”

“In some David Cronenberg world of organic computers! You?”

“I’m in the same— hey,” and both men looked up at the same time to find they were across the aisle from one another.

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