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Fictional Articles, MSP Sales | December 28, 2016

The Founder and MSP Sales Director Make the First Time Jump During Attack!

Time machine data tunnelConsequences of Time Travel

“I haven’t had a laugh like that in all the years I’ve been in MSP sales, David!”

“But boss, you went back in time— doesn’t that mean Erdy Michaels hasn’t ransacked your office? Also, I can’t believe all you had to do was pick up the hourglass and talk to it to time travel. Don’t know why I didn’t try that two years ago, before I started eating protein spheres I found in one of the see-through cabinets.”

“Oh… no,” Johannes said, ignoring the last half of his subordinate’s expository dialogue. “You reminded me: when you appeared out of the blue several months ago, you said, ‘Whatever you do, boss, don’t give Erdy Michaels a nuclear wedgie!’ I thought you were kidding around… now I understand!”

“Why did I say that?”

“It had something to do with you getting abducted! Quick, let’s go back to my office and figure this thing out— hourglass, back to my office the split-second I left previously!”

The world beyond the time-machine began to transition until Johannes’ ransacked office once more characterized the surrounding environment.


At that instant, four goons, decked out in long-brimmed fedoras and trench-coats that looked as though they came from the 30s, broke through Johannes’ office door with tommy guns. Johannes and David each had a foot out of the translucent time-traveling device and were about to enter the office. Both jumped back into the sphere as the bullets came, but Johannes didn’t pick up the hourglass quick enough. One of the noir goons leapt into the machine with them and managed to tackle David, knocking the hourglass out of Johannes’ hands as he yelled, “Erdy Michaels said if I find you, don’t knock you into last week, knock you into last month!” Abruptly, both assailant and David disappeared— though the machine remained— and the surrounding had begun being temporally estranged once more.

“Ah,” Johannes said, “So that’s how this whole thing started. I gave Erdy Michaels a nuclear wedgie because I thought he was attacking me for no reason, but I did it before he started attacking me and began this whole cycle. Man. That’s heavy.”

Return of the Merlin

“Not as heavy as it’s going to be,” said a disembodied voice. It was Merlin, the physics expert and, sometimes, IT-guy Johannes used. “You’re still in the machine; that goon and David are out of it. You’ve begun a time-loop that’s about to open up a wormhole.”

“Merlin!” Johannes yelled, “How do you know what’s going on?”

“Remember that video game I was playing? Turns out it’s not a game. I put the hourglass in your office in order to correct a time-loop I stumbled into during my physics experimentation. You’ll never get back to regular MSP sales if you don’t get this fixed, Johannes! And the world needs MSP SEO Factory’s

• Top-Tier Customer Service
• Client-Approved Content Creation
• Superior Guest-blogging

…and all the other exceptional MSP sales techniques your marketing firm uses!”

“You mean that computer in your office lets you see through time?”

“I’m the best physicist. Why you think they call me Merlin? I already made that quip. Here’s the wormhole!”

Beneath Johannes’ feet, a brilliant corridor of light exploded skyward from an indefinable distance until it surrounded him, then sucked him into the mysteries of time.

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